Dear Reader,
This issue is “special”, as I’m being more vulnerable and personal than usual. I’m sharing one of the most painful episodes of my life, partly so that people can learn from my mistakes, and partly as a form of catharsis.
I am actually quite thankful during times like these that newsletter technology exists, and that I don’t have many subscribers, because if I had millions, I probably wouldn’t dare to write this piece.
Writing the essay has been cathartic. In fact, I cried while writing it in my balcony, which has become my writing sanctuary of late.
For years I kept Financial Mistake like a dirty secret so that I could maintain peace in the family, so I don’t look like the bad guy. This has been more of a burden than I realised. And I hope this essay is one step towards healing and forgiveness.
I had intended to publish this essay on my blog a week from now, like usual. But after receiving word that a relative just passed away, I decided it wasn’t wise to do so.
I will probably not publish it in the blog until more time has passed (not sure when), and it may be a much toned-down version.
As newsletter subscribers, you will be the only ones in the world to get this raw, unfiltered essay and it will only be found your inbox and nowhere else. If you have not subscribed to the newsletter yet, you can do so below.
Thank you for being my readers,
Love,
Elizabeth.
The essay is only exclusive to subscribers. I will post a version of it on my blog on a later date.
Elizabeth, friend! I read carefully every word of your post. I have not had a similar financial experience, but my twenties and early thirties often felt like a living nightmare for other reasons. Sometimes I think that is what those years were for. I am now 51 and can look back on the trials of my younger years and see them as formative...perhaps essential...even, dare I say, a blessing. I live the second part of my life with the security of knowing that at the bottom of the deepest well of despair, God is there to comfort and to guide us back to the Light. I live with the confidence of knowing that I am not in control, because control is only an illusion; in this KNOWing, I can allow my life to unfold before me rather than trying to beat the path to the future into some kind of submission.
The "listening to your gut" advice is something I wish I could go back and explain to my younger self. Not just to heed, but actually to LISTEN--to be quiet and ask God what is troubling me. Often we try to use our busy brains to identify/name our worries, and we are very good at it! We can find all sorts of things to blame. But I have learned that when I pay attention to my worries...even the tiny, niggling, faintly signaling ones...and when I REMEMBER to take my gut worries to God, the solutions are often not answers to the problems I thought I was struggling with. When God is involved in solving my gut worries, the solutions often heal me in ways I wouldn't have expected, and the healing often spills out to others, offering healing to them as well.
Thank you for your raw and honest sharing. I look forward to reading more from you. God's peace be with you this day. -Kris K